While this definitely doesn't make it OK, it makes sense when you think about it. For example, most of us can probably remember a time when we were in a relationship and came across an attractive someone. For many people, if the relationship they were currently in was fulfilling their needs, then it's unlikely that they would feel as tempted to stray as they might if things were lacking.
So, what does all of this mean? Well, IMHO, it doesn't mean that cheaters should be absolved of responsibility for their actions. However you and your SO have defined cheating, counts as cheating, and therefore wrong of them no matter which way you spin it. That said, some people who find themselves frequently tempted to cheat and follow through with it might not be doing it with the pointed purpose of hurting you or destroying your relationship, but rather to feed their own sense of desirability and self-esteem.
Getting to the honest cause of someone's behavior without immediately demonizing them is an important step in understanding why they do what they do. Ultimately, this understanding can help facilitate change. According to Dr. One group was told nothing about the women in the pictures—they were just a bunch of good-looking strangers. The other group was told the pictures were of women who had just enrolled in their classes.
This gave the subjects the impression that they might actually meet these women. The guys who watched the fashion show—the ones in a cold visceral state—spent less time focusing on the attractive women in the pictures the greater the temptation became. It was like they had a superpower allowing them to pull away the greater their temptation grew.
What does this mean? To avoid temptation and enjoy a happy and fruitful relationship—or to stay on track with any goal personally or professionally—you need to keep yourself in a cold visceral state when temptation comes calling. The same studies have been done on smokers and others trying to stick to good habits.
To lead a happy life accomplishing your goals and building strong habits 4 , you have to keep yourself in a cool visceral state—maintain a calm mood.
That means avoiding situations that would get you worked up just before being confronted by temptation.
Whatever temptation it is you face, find the triggers that agitate you into a hot visceral state, and focus on avoiding those.
Think of one temptation you regularly face and fail to avoid and then think of what actions or situations tend to put you in the hot visceral state that makes it so hard to do the right thing. Now think of some things you can do to avoid those triggers in the first place.
This will probably take a few tries to get right. Leadership for introverts. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.
Do you… Stay on the path and honor your significant other or give into a one night stand? I would say I was infatuated. Fortunately, I did not give in to those urges. Looking back in my life, there were several occasions that cheating was presented to me as an option. However, I resisted each one. In some cases that would seem a bit dysfunctional. For example, people-pleasers are always giving to and helping others, but leave little compassion and energy for themselves all the while building resentment.
This is dysfunctional. However, I used this dysfunction to my advantage when it came to temptation. Thinking about not getting caught helps make the prospect a bit more alluring, but how is that different than thinking about not getting caught committing a crime? Would you think that way about robbing a bank?
It appears the punishment for getting caught committing a crime is a bit harsher than that of cheating, at least in the eyes of the infidel, so far fewer people will rob a bank. But, what about cognition and the ability to choose? What about will power? I recently read that the executive control center of our brains, the area responsible for resisting urges and acting on impulse among other things is what can prevent cheating from happening in the first place.
In other words, if you are able to think about the consequences and be more analytical during temptation, you might be less likely to cheat. If you are overpowered with sexual desire but are still able to think about the logistics of your actions, you could essentially prevent yourself from taking steps that might hurt your partner and ruin a perfectly good relationship.
Narcissists and anti-social personalities might do this, putting them in a high-risk category as cheaters. That depends. Do you still enjoy sex? If yes, then you have it in you to cheat. We all have it in us.
But how we go through the rest of life may determine if cheating will happen for us or not. But this article is about those who cheat that are in good relationships.
0コメント